Dalgliesh, Orangutan Keeper

From the Editor:

A most extraordinary thing has happened. BBC reported that Karta the Orangutan at Adelaide Zoo very cleverly short-circuited her security fence and made an escape. See: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8042705.stm.
 

What was concealed from the news item was that her keeper was Dalgliesh! Yes, it is he. The one with the hair radiating everywhere and eyes gleaming maniacally.

Why did she do this? There is much that is amiss with modern reporting. Few people know that Karta, long fed up with Dalgliesh throwing her the odd banana, decided to make a break for it. But why did she return to her cage after breaking out? Why?
 

Read on hominids. This piece of real reporting, recorded from Karta's perspective, reveals all.
 

Editor

Karta sat on the floor of her cage moodily chewing on a Eucalyptus twig. She was fed up with life under Dalgliesh. Fed up! She threw down the twig and picked up another. She chewed and thought about her fate. She sighed and scratched her flanks wondering what manner of thing he was. 'The guy is a primitive ape! Probably an early hominid' she thought, 'no finesse, no sophistication, just early ape!'

She moodily rolled over onto her back, and scratched her stomach. She yawned and stared at the bars of her cage. She yawned again and thought, another day of this, and she would be climbing up the bars. She lifted her leg up and grabbed a foot, and stared at her toes, dissatisfied.

She heard a sound, and rather bored, raised herself wearily. What was it now? She wondered. She rolled her eyes as she saw Dalgliesh peering at her through the bars, hair radiating in all directions, eyes gleaming maniacally. He flung her a banana, "here girl!" he said. She picked it up and flung it back at him, thinking 'eat it yourself, you monkey!' He looked rather startled and said "Karta! Come on girl! Dalgliesh is here babe! Oooo! O! Tseek! Tseek! Tseek! Ooooo!" He started to pant and hoot and scratched his flanks with bowed arms. She ignored him and rolled to her side turning her back to him. She was irritated with his primitive monkey imitation.

Then she heard the familiar sound, the flick of a cigarette lighter. She rolled over and looked at Dalgliesh with interest. He was drawing on the cigarette, and blissfully sucking in the smoke. She was dying for a smoke! She ambled over and pretended to be nice. She held on to the bars and put her face between them and puckered her lips, pouting engagingly at him. He said "Good girl!" and offered her his cigarette. She took the cigarette thinking 'Good Girl? GIRL!? Good grief! What an idiot!'

She moved back and sat on her haunches and smoked the cigarette with enjoyment, pausing to scratch and rub her ample stomach. Dalgliesh imitated her, trying to be friends, and looked around furtively. No point in getting caught offering cigarettes to Karta. His head would be on the chopping block. But she was so stand-offish that this was the only way to be friends with her.

He pressed the little button on the box outside the cage and the gate slid open. Karta watched with interest. She followed the conduits leading from the little switch outside her cage to the box that was mounted on the bars and thought that there must be something here. Dalgliesh came in making his monkey sounds and she watched him coldly. The man was clearly a fool. If it weren't for the cigarettes she would kick him out.

He hung around trying to be amiable and friendly, idiotically making his monkey noises. She smoked the cigarette and flung the butt at him, and then rolled on to her back. She grabbed her feet and started to examine her toe nails again. Something darkish there. Fungus? Probably! Dalgliesh looked at her appealingly, mouthing ingratiating phrases, but she was quite fed up with him. He hesitated knowing that she was off mood and said "Okay Karta! I am off! Just give me a holler girl, and I will come by for a chat and a smoke!" She grimaced and bared her gums at him, to show her displeasure. He grinned at her, uncertainly and inanely, and left.

It was dark when he left and she watched him leave. All those wretched humans who came by during the day, throwing her the odd peanut, a piece of fruit, or their horrid little offspring who pelted her with pebbles and made faces at her, were all gone. The little ones were worse than Dalgliesh. She watched and waited.

When it was quiet she went up to the little box on the cage. She shook it and pounded on it. But it did nothing. She grabbed it and shook it and put her ears to it, but there was nothing in there. She stared at it but nothing happened, and wondered why it opened the gate when Dalgliesh pressed the button. She ran her nimble fingers around the edges and suddenly it snapped open. She stared at the mess of odd little things inside, little ropes running hither and thither. She grabbed them and pulled. She gave a startled squeak as the thing came to life. 'It's alive' she squeaked. Bright sparkling flares of light sputtered and hissed, and smoke poured out. She fell back terrified. As she lay panting, her mouth wide open, she heard the gate open.

Quickly she got up and ambled to the gate on all fours. She paused to scratch the irritating itch in her ample stomach. If only that idiot Dalgliesh had the sense to get the fleas out of there she would think more kindly of him. She paused at the open gate and went out.

'Free! Free at last!' she thought. She burst with happiness 'no more of life under that idiot ape!' She roamed around for a little while looking at the wall on the far side. She had never been outside her cage, and had only a bare memory of her mum holding her in a wide open forest. There was only the sky, the clouds, the wind, the sun, and rain. There was only the warmth and love of her mum. She felt a little sad as she thought of her mum and wondered where she was. Then one day she had been dragged here, to face life under that bumbling fool.

She walked to the wall and looked up. She paused and then heard a sound. Those primitive hominids again! She wanted to scale the wall and beat it. As far away from Dalgliesh as possible. Then she heard that sound again. What was that! And then there was that heavenly smell, of smoke drifting through the air. She looked up at the large portly man holding the cigarette to his face saying "look! There is a fat monkey!" Karta squeaked 'Fat? Who are you calling fat you dumpling? And I am not a monkey!' She flung a stick at him. Startled the man dropped his cigarette and Karta quickly retrieved it.

She sucked on the thing feeling that strange drowsy and happy feeling. She took her time finishing it and thought 'well! It's nice for a girl to get out now and then! But at least that dolt Dalgliesh hands me a decent smoke'. She threw the butt away and ambled back to her cage. She would get another smoke from that ingratiating Dalgliesh tomorrow. She was sure of it.


(Written in May 2009)